I was going to give this one away to someone I knew.
But then I remembered this guy and I didn’t want to do it again.
This guy is a good guy, and he’s been through a lot.
He’s been in trouble a lot and he got his ass kicked by the police a lot, too.
He got robbed of his bike, his wallet, and a lot of things.
And this is one of the most interesting things he’s done.
He doesn’t even have a bike, but he’s got a truck.
That’s his vehicle.
And he doesn’t have a license to drive it.
So he gets a ticket and then he drives it to a different place where he can get his bike.
And the police catch up to him and arrest him.
They charge him with felony theft.
So they charge him, and the police say, ‘Well, you’re not a thief.’
They charge the truck with a stolen license.
So the police decide, ‘You know what?
We don’t want you driving that thing.’
They say, we’ll just go ahead and put you in jail for 30 days.
They put him in jail.
And then they decide, okay, fine, we’re going to send him to jail.
They take him to court, and they charge the guy with the theft charge.
And they have him come back in a few days.
And that’s the story of this guy.
So I thought, well, what else is out there?
How about a story where a guy is really good, and his girlfriend is really, really, great, and then all of a sudden he gets caught stealing a motorcycle?
You know, ‘Why did you steal my bike?’
‘Well I had to go to the mall.’
You know what I mean?
So this guy goes to a Walmart, and you’re in the checkout line.
And suddenly, there’s a truck with two big tires, and it’s just full of motorcycles.
And there’s three motorcycles and they’re parked on the lot.
So you get out and you see the big, big, heavy truck that’s parked there.
And you walk over to it and you just start freaking out.
You look at it and see this guy is riding a motorcycle, and your heart just stops.
‘What the fuck?’
You’re like, ‘What?’
And then you start to get all, ‘Yeah, but I’m a thief.
I stole a bike.’
‘You’re a thief, dude.
You stole a motorcycle.’
I stole an electric bike.’
You’re just like, I’m really sorry.
And all of this happens in one day.
So then the guy goes back and they say, you know, he’s a thief and we’re taking him to prison.
So we go back and we take him back to jail, and we put him there.
The judge takes him back and he gets arrested again.
So, now, the guy is in jail, the judge says, ‘I’ll send you to jail for a year.’
And he’s like, well what the fuck?
He goes to the jail.
He gets arrested for theft again.
The court says, I’ll put you away for two years.
He has to go back to court.
So all of the sudden he’s back in jail again, and there’s another citation.
And so then he goes back to prison, and again, again, he gets back in the same situation.
And again, another citation, and so on.
So now, he goes to jail again.
And once again, we get another citation for theft.
This time, he says, well I’ll just wait until I’m in my 20s.
And now he’s in jail even longer, and this time the judge is like, you want to go into jail for five years?
So he’s out of jail.
But the next day he’s arrested again, this time for burglary.
He goes back in court and again the judge’s saying, ‘That guy is an outlaw, dude, and I’ll send him back in prison for five more years.’
And so on and so forth.
And at this point, you have this guy, who’s a very good guy.
But when he gets in trouble, he does stupid shit.
He just doesn’t care.
He is, in essence, a thief because he is stealing.
And I think it’s a shame that this happens.
But there’s something to be said about the fact that he has a motorcycle.
He rides it, and when he goes out to the shopping center, he has that bike.
So that’s how he gets away with what he does.
And what we really need is this: a system that allows people to get their own cars without getting a ticket, without being arrested, without getting charged with theft, without having their property stolen.
[Audience laughter] But what happens if a police officer asks you for